I Think I Pushed a Good Guy Away by Being Too Intense

“Often, when driven people care about something and finally experience whatever they’ve been hoping to achieve — whether it’s a new relationship, a health goal, a promotion or something else altogether — they’re unable to entirely savor the good times. They may, in fact, do the exact opposite: endlessly worry about when their peak might plummet.”

I wrote about this once in “Are You Constantly Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?” Money quote: “Did you ever consider that the first 35 years of your life WAS the other shoe?”

Now an article comes out with the same concept but with research-based techniques that can help you enjoy the nice life turns while quieting the nagging voices that suggest disappointment is waiting just around the corner.

  1. Notice that worrying will only steal your current joy.
  2. Stop writing off hard work as luck.
  3. Remind yourself that a happy life is a balanced life.
  4. Focus on your values not your goals.
  5. Don’t believe everything you think.
  6. Act the opposite of your impostor urges

I’m taken by the last two – at least in terms of how that affects my readers and clients.

Believing everything you think is dangerous because it puts feelings on the same level as facts. They are decidedly different. A man feels he deserves to get laid for buying a pricey dinner. A man feels you should be content that he sees you only once a week. A man feels that he has the right to keep his dating profile open when you’re committed.

You don’t think those feelings are valid, do you?

Well, he doesn’t think it’s valid that you feel it’s appropriate to check his phone, or that you constantly tell him what he’s doing wrong, or that you expect him to propose to you in less than a year. Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean it’s true or universal.

Lead with positivity and confidence instead of self-sabotaging that nothing ever works out for you.

Act the opposite of your impostor urges is just another way of saying to be the CEO of your love life. Maybe you’ve failed to forge a relationship with Mr. Right for decades but that doesn’t mean that THIS man is going to disappoint as well. You’ve never been this version of you before and you’ve never dated this man before, so lead with positivity and confidence instead of self-sabotaging that nothing ever works out for you.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.